Parents in College
Recently, I had a parent near tears contact me because the time that she was putting into her college homework projects seemed to take away a lot of the time she used to spend with her kids. She was frustrated – from both an academic standpoint, but also as a mother. Here were my thoughts that I shared with her that I also wanted to share with you.
Going back to college as you get older can be difficult enough, but tack on kids and you may have a very demanding time ahead of you. Any parent understands the limited amount of sleep with their very young children, but children seem to demand just as much time and attention, if not more, as they get older. Trying to balance being a good parent and being dedicated to your classwork can become a very difficult time in your life.
This doesn’t mean you can’t use situation for your own advantage. I have found two key things that can help put this into perspective:
First: Use your kids within your work as much as you can. Since I teach mainly web design and programming, I’m often encouraging my students with kids to involve them in the projects. When you have to create an interactive photo gallery, consider taking fun photos with your kids and then using those photos in a professional interface that you design. Not only does this allow you to spend some productive time with your kids, but the time you are coding and designing this project will help them realize the value of hard work – especially when they see themselves showcased in an amazing project.
Second: Make sure you explain to your kids the importance of education and why you need some quiet time to study or work on the computer. There will be many times that your kids don’t want to listen to this, but as they grow older they will remember how you had the dedication and focus to put into your school work and they may follow your lead and apply themselves the same way. Use this time as a learning tool about your own work ethic. Rather then let your kids see how easy you could be distracted and how little time you put into your work (at least while they are awake), then help them see your dedication and hard work. Show them that planning, effort, dedication, and self-sacrifice is important to accomplishing something meaningful.
Depending on the age of your kids, you may want to set an appropriate amount of Study Time each day. Let your kids get their own homework, books, or even crayons out and work quietly along with you. Sometimes these passive methods of being with your kids can be valuable.
Learning to balance your time can be difficult – especially when your kids can make a mess of your work week by getting sick. Plan for these events and try to get a head start on your school work as early as possible. Playing catch up under stress of deadlines, lack of sleep, or just being off schedule can be a challenge for anyone. Just remember that you will get though these times and that you are still a great parent while you study. You aren’t a super hero – and you don’t need to be. Just be aware of your schedule. If your classes are too demanding, then take one less class next term.
When under stress, remind yourself that you don’t need to hurt yourself getting there.
You are in school to help yourself and your family at a better life. This is a process that you can accomplish!
So… what do you think? Please feel free to leave comments before to express your thoughts or help inspire other parents!
LaSonia
I never thought to include my kids into my school work and how it could benefit them. I never really like to get too personal so I keep everything separate, work-school-family, because this is the way it usually is. I know they would be interested in what I do on my computer that keeps me so preoccupied. The frustration of trying to keep everything in balance without neglecting quality time is always going to be a challenge, which is why it is even more important to stay dedicated and determined. Just like when I show interest and spend time with them and their homework, it’s me giving them support, this can work in reverse. I just had one of my sons read this and that I would include him and his brother in some of my assignments and his professional opinion is “YAY!!!”
admin
Hi LaSonia,
I’m so happy to hear that! And I loved the concept that this can be a way for your kids to show their support for you as you have done for them with their school work! Thank you for taking the time to post your comment!
Rob
Hey Matt,
Great suggestions! I really like that idea of involving kids in the parents work. That definitely involves both parties so that no one feels left behind.
Great post and I know this is a big dilemma with parents that go back to school.
Best,
Rob
Christi Doxon
Matthew, My youngest is 4 and she told her preschool teacher one day that she had to get home quick so she could do her “homework”. We have been working on the idea that when Mommy has her headphones on I am in class and I have to listen to my teacher, so if she needs something she has to go to her Dad. I have to admit I will sit in front of the computer wearing my headphones just because I need a little uninterrupted work time. Is that bad!?!
admin
Hi Christine,
No – I don’t think anyone out there can fault you for this.
I’m sure you just gave plenty of parents out there a great idea!
Valerie Eddy
I couldn’t agree with you more on including the children. It makes them excited to be apart of my life as it also motivates me to do my very best. Although I have included them in projects like video’s and their thoughts in papers, there are times when I can not make them my focus…its during these times that I show them in the morning what I designed while they were sleeping. Now my children are three and one…and it’s the three year old that deals with most of the effect. How I have worked out my scheduling is a few hours during the day but mostly everything is done when they go to bed and I explain that to him when he wants me to read him one more book at bedtime. I never knew if he really understood what I do when he sleeps when one night he woke in the middle of the night from a nightmare and as I was calming him down…through sleepy eyes he asked “mom are you done with your school work yet?” when I answered with a “no not yet” he rolled over and said “awe mom”! What a grasp of reality….a lesson they could have never learned had I not decided to take this leap of faith! Lastly, I’d like to add, that although my goal is to be the best I can be, I have decided it is not just about our future as a family, it is also about the here and now and if I can’t get an assignment completed to my standards in the time alloted, I’ll take the ten point deduction for turning in a quality assignment vs. putting my children’s needs aside. Furthermore, I have choosen to take one day a week where I do not even go near the computer! With that mind-set, my seven month run of a 4.0 GPA has fallen to a 3.6 GPA; and I’m looking to graduate in just six months! I don’t think that’s too bad when I think about how I was here for the baby’s first step, first word, and all the night terrors and teeth that came in!
Sleep is over-rated anyways!!! I’ll get enough of that in when I enter into eternal life…LOL.
sssowers
Great post Matt. You nailed it. I am a single parent and have a child in elementary school which does take up a lot of time not including trying to keep my work going and keep up with school.
Your suggestions are spot on. Including my child when I can and explaining the importance of completing tasks and dedication to education has been a good example. It becomes a real life example for my child rather than just talking about doing homework but actually showing the commitment. Thanks again Matt!
Rob C
I enjoyed and completely agree. These are some of the very techniques that I use with my children with many of the same accompanying reasons. My 9 year old son, Drew, was having a difficult time in school with doing his homework, paying attention, and staying on task. Many of these issues were ones that I struggled with in school. I then started school and showed him how many amazing things there are too learn, and how fun and rewarding that learning could be. He began to slowly, and I mean slowly, but surely to spend time on his homework and apply himself more to his studies. My daughter is always asking me to teach her the things I learn with art and computers. Spending time teaching these things to my children have been some of our most valuable time spent together. Enjoyed this article, and from experience I can tell you that this is some great advice.
Matthew Leach
Thanks Rob! I appreciate the note and hope this inspires more parents to consider ‘teaching’ their kids as a better way to spend time together! My girlfriend (a 2nd grade teacher) and I are looking forward to teaching our kids all the stuff we know – I can’t wait to show all these programming and skills to my kids. Just think how easy this would have been able to learn at such a young age!